ideas?

12.6.09 (a working draft...this needs revision, and i need ideas for it...)

We were surprisingly pure white
like the whiskers of a man
grown old overnight by
some old dark magic.

Though we’d spent years in
that soot-dimmed room
trying to make sense out
of the smoke and ashes.

Though we’d walked miles in
that fenced-in garden
carving circles of regret
in the unwilling dirt.

We were surprisingly pure white
like the fur of the rabbit
pulled unexpectedly out of
some old black hat.